Leander started smokin' cigarettes
When he lived back in the hills
He knew he oughta give 'em up
But withdrawal gave him chills
His first smoke was rolled corn silk
It made his little face turn green
His stomach was all tied up in knots
'Twas the sickest he'd ever been
One day his mother caught him
He ran, but couldn't get away
She whomped him on his little behind
And told him he'd better obey
By the time he was in his forties
He decided he'd better quit smokin'
He could hardly finish a cigarette
Without coughin' and almost chokin'
It was really hard but he gave 'em up
And Flossie looked on with pride
But all the time she was spyin' on him
To make sure he didn't backslide
One day Leander found a cigarette
In the pocket of his winter jacket
He slipped outside to smoke it
So Flossie wouldn't hear the racket
Leander hustled out to the barn
It made a good hidin' place
Flossie was afraid of the rats in there
'Cause the barn was such a disgrace
Before he could light the cigarette
Poor Leander felt nature callin'
So he hunkered on top of a holler log
And hoped he could keep from fallin'
His business done, he felt relief
And he took a great big puff
The coffin nail gave him such a high
He fell backward in all that stuff
The moral to this tawdry tale
Don't smoke while takin' a dump
You might just end up fallin' off a log
And gettin' doo-doo on your rump
Kathleen McCoy EldridgeŠ
May 1, 2006
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