Sapphire Designs 2016


I hate dentists.

All my life I had spent thousands of dollars on my teeth. I finally decided on dentures, so when one hurt I just made them pull it out. When I run out of teeth...dentures.

I went into the dentist with a bad toothache. He said it was abscessed. Gave me a script said come back in a week. I did. It still hurt a little. I told him to pull it. He gave me 3 shots of Novocain and left. Half my lips and cheek went numb. He came back and put his pliers on the tooth and I moaned quite loud. So he gave me 3 more shots and left. Now, not only my lips were numb, but I couldn't tell if my eye was blinking or not and though it wasn't, it felt like one side of my nose was running all the time.

He came back in and asked how I was doing. "Bline," I said. (That's numb mouth talk for "fine.") He grabbed the tooth again and, when he pulled, my whole body followed. It still wasn't numb enough. He shook his head and gave me 3 more shots, I think. And left. Now for those of you not paying attention, that's nine shots of Novocain.

Before he got back, I realized I could no longer feel my nose, but it felt like both nostrils were running, and my ear had disappeared. I reached for it. My fingers told me it was still there, but my head said it had fallen off on the floor. When I swallowed, I could not tell if anything happened.

He came back in and tapped on the tooth and asked if I felt that. "A bibble," I said. He picked up his pliers and started back in, but I stopped him. I said, "Blip blibe blome blob. Bull bib!!" (That's numb mouth for, "This time don't stop. Pull it!!") He must have been well versed in numb mouth talk because when he caught hold of it this time he did not let go. And neither did my jaw. He pulled and twisted and pulled and twisted. I twisted too. The whole side of my head was numb, except under that tooth. It was live meat under there. And I was trying to rip the arms off his chair. I wanted to scream, "Blop!!!" (That's numb talk for "STOP!!") But my brain went into DEFCON 4, and just plain shut down.

I went from---aaaaaw, to ooooh...to eeeee in a short time. Then I jumped about two octaves higher with the eeeees. I would have made an opera star envious. Garage doors started opening and closing a half block away. My eeeeeees got so high, humans could no longer hear them, but dogs started howling 2 blocks away. I started yelling, "Uu I aws! Uu I aws!" (That is open mouth for "Turn it loose!! Turn it loose!!") I guess he wasn't versed in open mouth talk because he didn't turn it loose. He pulled harder.

Now, at this point, I may have to educate some of you. Novocain does not work when a tooth is abscessed. All around the roots of that tooth it was not numb and wouldn't ever get numb.

Pop!!!, I heard. He finally got it out. I just stared at him through my tears. I could not believe what just happened to me. I had been totally violated. He asked if I was alright and I replied, "I blinb blo." He put cotton on the hole and sent me on my way. Late that night, I could finally feel my ear, and one nostril quit running. The next morning both nostrils quit running and I could now tell if my eye was blinking. I said, "Bub borbin, Baby" to Miss Sandra and she said, "What??" By noon, all was back to normal except my lower lip on one side. I could talk pretty plain by then. I told Sandra, "Bat benbist reably hurb be baby." She said, "What??" (Translated: "That dentist really hurt me, Baby.") It was nightfall before I could plainly tell her what happened.

I hate dentists.

Jerry Soyka © December 16, 2016 Used With Permission All Rights Reserved By Author Mail share




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