Jelly Bean and Hash Brown were plumb low down
And two dirty, rotten scoundrels to boot
They lied and cheated and hustled and stole
Just plain didn't give a darn hoot

One day the shiftless no-accounts
Hatched a plan to rob the four o'clock train
Needless to say, they went and bungled the job
Inept crooks with nary a brain

Meeting up with Captain Jim and his boys
They joined a cattle drive down Texas way
Swallowed dust for a couple of hours
Stole two horses and took off that day

Those ornery cusses rode across two states
Their tired horses on the brink of collapse
When they went off a cliff on the side of a gorge
Spent the night picking burrs from their chaps

Hapless and pitiful, their stomachs in knots
Hadn't eaten for the better part of a day
The boys shot a rabbit and skinned them a snake
Moaned about making a living this way

They were getting tired and sort of long in the tooth
It was hard being on the wrong side of the law
They could have gone straight and had a good life
It's just that honest work stuck in their craw

They bummed around and joined a gang of outlaws
Holed up just outside of Boise 
It wasn't long before a posse was sighted
And the lead flew hot and noisy

Jelly Bean and Hash Brown longed to be brave
Like the Earps and Billy the Kid
And go out in a roaring blaze of glory
The way Butch and Sundance did

Course we are talking about two cowards
Who surrendered while bawling like babies
They knew a gallows and nooses were waiting
No ifs, no ands, nor maybes

On the way to the jail, a big storm blew up
Menacing clouds filled the whole landscape
The horses bolted and went every which way
While the boys made a daring escape

Buying a ranch way down in San Antone
Jelly and Hash left their life of crime
With nagging wives and a gaggle of kids
There were no new mountains left to climb

The longing for old days creeps in at times
When all they did was steal and plunder
Two decrepit old men sit whittling on the porch
I reckon it beats being six feet under

Kathleen McCoy Eldridge©
July 26, 2008
All Rights Reserved