Tomorrow's the day after Thanksgiving
Gotta get up as early as I can
The stores are having Christmas sales
The best deals begin at five a.m.

I got up and left the house before breakfast
Knowing well I'd regret it later on
As soon as my blood sugar plummeted
And my glucose tablets were at home

Traffic was almost bumper to bumper
I hoped they weren't all going to Wal*Mart
I wanted to get that DVD player I saw in their ad
And lot of other goodies to fill up my cart

Guess everyone in town had the same idea
Took me half an hour just to get a parking place
Finally found one in a handicapped area
Then struggled to put on my handy knee brace

The only shopping cart was sitting just inside the door
So I grabbed it and took off down the aisle
I thought I heard an old man yelling at me
Aw, he'll get another one after a while

A young couple beat me to the last toaster oven
So I snitched it when their backs were turned
Hid it in my cart and quickly walked away
I'd gone to too much trouble to get spurned

Almost busted a gut loading in all in the trunk
But it looks like I saved a little dough
Got most of the things that I had on my list
So it's off to Sears and Target I go

The crowds over there were almost as bad
But I pushed and shoved and yelled like the others
Kids were running and screaming and opening things
And not paying attention to their mothers

The checkout lines stretched back to the aisles
And while I was waiting, I got about to pee
I'd forgotten to put on a pair of Depends
I crossed my legs and read the Enquirer casually

I finally got my treasures all the way home
Then tried to figure out places to put them all
Dreading the wrapping and bagging I still had to do
Feeling sorry for those still at the mall

When on the living room couch, I awoke with a jerk
And realized I'd had a horrible nightmare
I'd eaten too much dinner then took a long nap
Wal*Mart will be busy but I won't be there

I may be a tad crazy but I'm certainly no fool
Facing such a crowd, I wouldn't even try
I'll stay home tomorrow and eat leftovers
'Cause I did my Christmas shopping in July

Kathleen McCoy Eldridge©
November 12, 2007
All Rights Reserved


When I'm 64
Smick & Smodoo's World