I love getting lots of emails
But only from people I trust.
Lately, I’ve gotten some doozies
That have filled me with disgust.
If I don’t check it for a day or two
My in box gets all jammed.
Looking at the names of the senders,
I usually find that I’ve been spammed.
Even though I’ve never applied,
I’ve been approved for a new car loan.
Now, they want my number
so they can call me on the phone.
A twenty dollar bill can buy me
a bottle of little blue pills
that are supposed to make me virile
and cure my performance ills.
There are creams and pills and gadgets
guaranteed to enlarge my penis.
They don’t even know I’m female.
Somebody should stop this menace.
Even the ones that look harmless
are filled with hidden innuendo.
Things I didn’t even know existed
are described with great crescendo.
I’m wary of the ones they send
that arrive with an attachment.
Knowing they could contain viruses,
I delete them with detachment.
Only a year of online studying
can earn me a college degree.
I could graduate from Acme U.
How much easier could it be?
I’m offered vitamins and steroids
to transform me into a jock.
Now, they’re sent in jpeg files
and I can’t use my message block.
I can get a nice tan in winter
if I buy a tube of some goop.
These special offers just muddle my brain
like a can of alphabet soup.
I get links to all kinds of online stores
selling everything I can describe.
I’m glad when I find a line that says,
“Click here to unsubscribe.”
Solid gold watches are as cheap as dirt.
Without one, I’m not complete.
And when I get stock market quotes,
I promptly hit delete.
I’m so tired of being bombarded.
How stupid do they think I am?
The only type of spam I welcome
is the kind with a pull-top can!
Kathleen McCoy Eldridge©
February 23, 2007
All Rights Reserved
"When You're Smiling"
Sequenced by Harry Todd
MIDI Picking by Harry Todd