I'm just a typical old lady Some say I'm a little bit cracked I may be a mite absentminded But my brain's still as sharp as a tack Sometimes, I forget where I put things Then I find most everything I lose And I have been known to go out at times Wearing only my fuzzy house shoes Once, I put my dentures in upside down And wore my best dress inside out But when people say my pot is cracked They don't know what they're talking about I keep up with my glasses by wearing them On a cord hanging 'round my neck There's nothing wrong with my brain cells I'm still a sly, old fox by heck When I drive, I'm a bit of a lead foot So I'm careful to avoid the cops And I always take a matching umbrella Just in case a storm cloud drops Eating hot dogs gives me heartburn And pinto beans make me constipated I sit and watch how that escaping gas Just drifts away and is dissipated I usually remember to take all my pills Though I swallow enough to choke a horse I keep my mayonnaise in the breadbox And my undies in the freezer, of course The very thought of growing old gracefully Actually never really appealed to me I stick out my tongue at the geezer next door And to heck with my dignity I plan to go out kicking and screaming And in my one final act of defiance To prove that I'm not a scatterbrain I'm donating my body to science Kathleen McCoy Eldridge© March 15, 2007 All Rights Reserved

"Too Old To Cut The Mustard"
Courtesy of Heavenly Midis
Chantel Designs