As you can see by the calendar I'm having another birthday. I have written a song to express how I feel about this sad turn of events. It can be sung to the tune of "King Of The Road."

Miss Clairol's loving care Touches up my greying hair My midriff has a roll I ain't got no bladder control But....two rows of Polygrip Never lets my dentures slip I'm a menopausal, moody woman Gettin' too old Heartburn and hemorrhoids Trouble with my adenoids Loud snoring when I snooze I wear orthopedic shoes I eat...high-fiber, low-fat food To keep my bowels movin' good I'm a menopausal, moody woman Gettin' too old (Sixteen bar instrumental) My body looks like heck Wrinkles and a turkey neck Old worn out birthday suit My man don't give a hoot I've got...loose skin and flabby thighs Bags beneath my bloodshot eyes I'm a menopausal, moody woman Gettin' too old I've got cellulite, liver spots and varicose veins All of my joints have arthritis pain An' every morning I have to take pills I spend all my money just to pay for refills I said, Miss Clairol's loving care Touches up my greying hair My midriff has a roll I ain't got no bladder control ©Cheryl McCoy Pender March 7, 2001 Used With Permission All Rights Reserved By Author


   

King Of The Road
Words & Music By Roger Miller
Sequenced by Harry Todd
Smick & Smodoo's World